It’s as if all of the stupid (excuse me, intellectually challenged) people end up in retail, whether it’s at peon level or CEO level. Most people just don’t get it, and at both the macroscopic level and the microscopic level, there’s grievous errors being made everywhere. I just don’t have the patience for that sort of thing. If I ever end up in retail again–check that, ever end up there willingly–it’s going to be my own business, and it’s probably going to be something revolutionary, based on what I’ve seen in the past few years, in this country and abroad.

I’ll put down an example here. I went to a movie at Channelside and then went to one of those new “mix-in” ice cream shops that have been sprouting up like weeds all over this area. There was a sizable line going out the door (as there has been the couple of other times we’ve gone there), but this time we were greeted my some middle-aged man who looked like he missed his luau. He started asking people if they’d been there before and explained some of their offerings. A couple of things tipped me off–first, the jovial, hyperbolic “friendly” attitude and his pressing engagement in idle conversation with potential customer X and Y. I envisioned a conversation between him in me in my head:

“Hello! Welcome to [Random Hole in the Wall Ice Cream Shop]! Have you been here before?”
“You’re a district manager, aren’t you?”
“Um, yes, I do represent [random corporate bullshit]. What made you ask?”
“Well, the whole out of touch with reality thing was a dead giveaway, I had to be sure.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t pursue such a conversation even though I’m rather wishing I had just to see what sort of response I would get. In any case, I think the boisterous, over-friendly, bend-over-backwards attitude is somewhat expected by the relatively savvy shopper when encountering one of these breeds. This corporate-suit-on-casual-day proceeded to pester every customer who came in, most of whom seemed more interested in talking with whomever they came into the shop with than with him. I’m sure I wasn’t the only person rolling my eyes.

It got better. He proceeded to lead the feverishly-working employees behind the counter into songs about ice cream and tips. I could get into a whole other discussion about the phenomenon of begging for tips that has spread like a disease across various retail establishments, but that’s for another time. I don’t understand the rationale behind the songs. It was loud, it was annoying, and it didn’t particularly make our experience in line any better. Is it some sort of employee solidarity campaign, or perhaps some way to get the children of paying customers involved in the process? Those are the only two reasons I can think of.

In both cases, this is a bad idea. Creating a “friendly atmosphere” for employees serving ice cream is simply a waste of time, and worse off if it’s going to irritate customers in the process. At the end of the day, these people still wish they were getting paid more and really would like it if they could end an eight-hour shift without having to sit in a sweater for a half-hour to get warm again and not have that dull ache in their forearms from scooping ice cream out of tubs all day. There is very likely a high employee turnover rate in a job such as this. I could be wrong - they could be paid well and get decent benefits, but I think the whole tip jar thing shoots that theory down.

The second scenario of getting children involved is a classic case of broad-based application of corporate-based ideas without considering the individual circumstances that each location faces. I’m assuming that this store we went into wasn’t an independently owned franchise, but if it was, god help that clueless owner. Channelside isn’t a place for kids, it’s the kind of place that you want to hire the babysitter for. The place is made up of higher end shopping, bars, and restaurants. There’s valet parking, advertising targeted at the adult demographic, and often live entertainment. The only appeal to children would be the movie theater, which is most certainly not the draw that the management there would like it to be, I’m sure. We went to see a movie on opening weekend and we were among perhaps 15 people in a theater that seated over 300.

In any event, I believe that this place serves as a good example as to what retail management is doing wrong. They have taken the concepts of customer service to an extreme and gotten so pushy with customers that they start alienating them. I don’t suppose any of these decision makers have ever considered that one of the reasons people like Wal-Mart so much is that they don’t have to deal with this sort of thing. It’s a monolithic warehouse where you find what you want on your own, you don’t haggle over prices, and you don’t have to deal with discount cards, pushy salespeople, and whatever new marketing push some specialty retailer has come up with. There are a few, very simple, core qualities that will be acceptable to the average consumer, and that’s a simple greeting, smooth clarification when necessary, and a thank you at the end. Wal-Mart may lack the second quality, but they make up for it with low prices and pure convenience. I don’t care about Wal-Mart’s labor relations–that’s different. What’s important is customer relations, and it seems that all concern for such has fallen away.

I’ve heard the site looks like shit with Internet Explorer, but I really don’t care. If it bugs you that much, get Firefox already. You won’t go back.

I’m going to try to make a concerted effort to post here at least weekly so that people can keep track of me, since I seem to have such a hard time keeping in contact with said people. However, said people could always e-mail me to prod me into action.

First, I apologize to everyone I’ve dropped out of contact with. If you know anyone who’s looking for me or should be, link them here. I’ll go through the usual motions:

I’m still unemployed, though thankfully not broke yet. I’ve done a little temp work for a merchandising firm that I might continue doing, but I think I’d rather find something a little more stable. As it is, I feel like I can’t go anywhere near retail in the future. I’ll continue on this with an example in a separate posting.

Chances are, I am moving to Chicago sometime this summer. My father seems to have plans laid out, and since I’m still spinning my wheels here, I’ll likely be tagging along for the free rent. That’s not to say I don’t want to move out; while I know he doesn’t want me to since he’s been pretty lonely with the divorce and all, I desperately need to for a number of reasons which I’d rather talk about in private.

What should I do with this degree that was conveniently left on my doorstep in a paper envelope? I don’t know. The current plans are to return to Japan via the JET Program, but the application for that isn’t due until the end of the year and I wouldn’t even be leaving until mid-2006. I chose not to apply this year for a number of different reasons, primarily in the hopes that I would establish myself into having my own place when I get back. That seems a little misguided at this point. Hopefully, I can find some bullshit BA job somewhere and pull in a decent salary. I come from relatively humble beginnings, so I don’t need much to live on, just a reliable car and a quiet, comfortable place to live in.

My relationship with my family is, well, strained. I’ve reconnected a bit with my father’s side of the family, and while I’ve made some surprising observations about them, they are all pretty good people. Things would have turned out better if we had stayed in Chicago, I think. I have virtually no contact with my mother’s side of the family, including my full sister. I am quite sure at this point that mother and I will never reconcile, which is saddening considering this all stems from decisions she made, in my opinion, blindly–decisions made that she likely will come to regret in a few years. I won’t be around when that happens.

I miss a lot of you, deeply. There are so many good people that I know that would really enrich my life if I was able to see you on a regular basis. Unfortunately, that would take me all over the country (hell, all over the globe) at this rate. We’ll just have to do what we can to stay in contact so I can hopefully capture what I can of that. I know you all miss me too.

Leave comments, e-mail me (ashtear at gmail dot com) or catch me on AIM at Shinseitori if you like. Hope to hear from you soon.